Just Who I Am
One of my favorite nicknames from students is MamaYesi. I can’t really say that I actually remember how and when I first got that nickname. I remember having it at Western and then it was revived at Daley. I do give off, what I call, the mama-vibe. I do consider the students my babies. I am very protective of them and work tirelessly to ensure they succeed. It’s just who I am.
I have always been very involved in advising student organizations. I love working with them and guiding them through all the challenges that they face. One of the most fulfilling experiences was working with a chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha, a historically black fraternity. This was a group of men that was focused and dedicated to their mission. I am truly blessed to have had that experience. We had some challenges with the university and I was a fierce MamaBear for them.
At some point, the university implemented a new security fee for organizations that wanted to sponsor parties on-campus. Whether the planned intent was racially discriminatory is still up for debate. The traditional greek-lettered organizations had houses off-campus and their parties were left unmonitored by the university. However, the consequence was that only the historically black and historically Latino groups had to pay the fees.
The fee was $500 per event plus some hourly rate for the cost of the staff. This was an exorbitant amount of money for an undergraduate student group. This, of course, increased the price of entry to the party. It was just a constant struggle. I can’t even remember how many times I went rounds with the student affairs leadership over this issue. It was never removed, at least not while I was there. It was disappointing that no one could admit to the differential treatment of student groups. Just because a policy says it applies to everyone, but only one group is impacted, doesn’t make it equitable. Okay, rant over. I don’t want to make this a Sociology lesson.
When I left this university and moved on to my next role, I was again very involved with student events and activities. I was able to continue being MamaYesi to my next set of babies. I grew very close to the so many student leaders in the Student Government Association. This group of student leaders was ever-changing, but it was so fulfilling. I even chaperoned numerous trips with the SGA executive boards to further connect with them. I’m actually still Facebook friends with many of these former students. I remember one day a student called me MamaYesi in front of my Vice President and my Vice President lost his mind. He raised his voice and said “Don’t let me hear you call her that again! She is DOCTOR AVALOS!” Poor baby didn’t know how to respond. I gave her a wink and a smile and she knew we were okay. I was still her MamaYesi.
As I have progressed in my career, it’s become challenging to maintain the extensive student contact I once had. I miss being MamaYesi to so many students. I was their confidant, their net, and their mentor. Last year, I gave the keynote speech at the Student Leader Recognition Luncheon at Morton. I was moved to tears by the way I was introduced. I didn’t think I was making an impact, like I had at WIU or Daley, because of the minimal direct student interaction. I was wrong! I WAS STILL MamaYesi! I just hadn’t realized it, because I hadn’t felt it, but the students did. That’s all I’ll ever need.
My purpose has always been to serve students and facilitate their success. This is who I will remain, no matter what the future holds for me. So, MamaYesi lives!
My First Television Adventure
My adventure into television began while I was driving home from work. I was driving along Lake Shore Drive and I heard my phone go off for a message, which almost never happens. I opened the message, at the next stoplight, I don’t believe in causing accidents. I couldn’t believe the words I was reading. My long-time friend was asking me to serve on a panel on TV, for the very next morning! I was in shock. I wanted to say yes. I was scared. I needed to take time off from work. My mind was racing!
Maybe I should slow-down and explain. I have an awesome friend who is a producer for WGN-TV Chicago Morning News. She is FABULOUS! I have to admit I get to live vicariously through her social media. Denzel, Morgan Freeman, Sting all over her Instagram! Then, she got me in to meet Cristela Alonzo! I so love my friend. I am so grateful!
Here I am on Lake Shore Drive making all kinds of phone calls getting my time approved. I was also afraid that my superiors may not let me go, because of my role at the college. I promised I would not represent the college. I was concerned about representing Sigma Lambda Gamma and scared I would be perceived as speaking on behalf of the sorority. Finally, I got it all worked out and got to tell my friend, yes.
I called my husband, he was all excited. I was all excited. There were so many details. Commute planning, topics I wanted to address and, of course, wardrobe. My husband started texting and calling family to watch. I was scared to say anything to anyone. I was scared that something might happen and I wouldn’t get on the air. I know it was silly, but fear had set in.
Later in the evening, my friend and I started messaging again. I need to submit a bio-blurb for the production team. She complimented me and my work. We never really ever talk about my academic life, it’s not my only identity. I started to get weepy. I never really thought about my accomplishments. Working in Higher Ed, everyone has a doctorate. Completing a doctorate is not always an achievement. It’s an expectation in many spaces. I teach, but never really think about all the work I put into molding young collegiate minds. I was feeling very proud of myself. So, thank you, my friend!
In the morning, it was raining. Living in Chicago rain means delays on the highway. I was ready to go and left really early. I allowed myself 90 minutes for a 25 mile commute to the northside of the city. I only made it with about 15 minutes prior to my requested arrival time. I kept trying to calm down and quietly center myself as I walked into the building.
I was seated in the cafeteria with the rest of panelists. Clearly, many of them knew each other. I felt a little like an outsider, but I kept reminding myself that I was asked to be on the panel for a reason, not out of convenience. My friend came in and escorted all of us to the studio.
We were all seated and completed a mic-check. We then started small-talk. Another produced said we had another 10 minutes and we all instinctively slouched. A good laugh was had by all when we realized our subconscious collective action.
I was fan-girling that Luvvie Ajayi was on the panel. I limited my excitement until after the panel. She was so kind and laughed when I asked for a selfie with her. We starting talking about having her come out to the college for a session with my students.
Another panelist was Asal Wahdan, she was one of the coordinators of the rally that stopped Trump’s event in Chicago. It was an honor to meet one of the main people who shut that mess down. She was quiet and kind, but you can see her righteous warrior spirit. Oh, how I wish I had been that politically active when I was in college.
When all was said and done, I think we had a good conversation. I went to my car and turned my phone back on. My phone starting binging and chirping and buzzing. I had no idea that one of my husband’s chapter brothers took a picture and posted it on Facebook. I was getting all kinds of love and support from sisters and brothers. My friend sent me some text of an email received by the station praising the diversity efforts. Then I took time to post my pictures and a link to the video of the panel discussion. I was famous, for a day, at least!
Bonded by Frustration
Sometimes, we meet one of our favorite students in the worst of situations. In retrospect, we were meant to meet each other. However, on that day, we were both filled with anger and frustration.
The entire college community was notified that a very high-profile politician was coming to campus. I had never seen the campus so clean! Everyone was a bundle of nerves. This politician demanded, and commanded, respect. It was a rough few days leading up to the event. Our college president was notably stressed about having this guest on campus and all the media entourage that followed.
I was placed on perimeter patrol with the security staff because I was responsible for all areas of student discipline. During one of my rounds with an officer, I saw a group of students in an area where the politician, my president, and the entire entourage would soon be walking. The officer asked them to move to the venue, if they wanted to see the event
One male student became very loud and aggressive. By this point more officers had joined us. I, then, asked the student to calm down. The student then shouted “Fuck that piece of shit, [Politician’s Name Redacted]! Motherfucker!”
I then raised my voice and firmly stated that they had to move along.
Only to be screamed at “Who the fuck are you?”
Nope, I am not the one, especially not on this day. “I am one of the deans who is about to make your life a problem! Let’s GO!”
A team of officers and I managed to maneuver the student throughout the college and not be seen by the entourage. I could only imagine needing to explain to my president and this politician why a student was being escorted by police.
We finally got the student to calm down in a private security office. After talking through the incident with the student I learned a good amount of information about the student. I explained the procedure for discipline hearings. The student was escorted off-campus for the day and scheduled to meet with the Dean of Students, and me, for the next day.
Prior to the scheduled meeting. The entire executive board of the Latin American Student Organization (LASO) came to see me and really defend the student. They knew not to defend the behavior, but really didn’t want a really harsh punishment for him. One e-board members, who I knew very well, asked me to speak with the Dean of Students to consider not suspending the student.
The Dean and I met with the student. The student didn’t really want to hurt the politician, but absolutely hated what the politician did in office. We were both convinced that he wasn’t a real danger or threat to the college. The Dean was impressed by his “warrior spirit” and I agreed. We needed to channel his passion for justice. The student was assigned to volunteer with my office, read a book on Emotional Intelligence and submit a summary by the end of the term. Everything was completed and over the time we bonded and talked about a lot of things going on in his life.
A several weeks later, he was faced with huge challenge. His best friend, another student, had hit the bottom of a pool, head-first and was left paralyzed. They were all members of LASO. Everyone was heart-broken. My student never left his friend’s side. He was at the hospital every single day. Upon release from the hospital he went to the house and helped the parents provide care. My student was committed to helping his friend learn how to live in a, now immobile, body. This was a difficult challenge for everyone at the college.
Eventually, my student stopped doing well in school. In time, I didn’t see him anymore. He took a break from school. I was worried about him, but didn’t see him again for many years.
Seven years later, after I had left my full-time role at the college, I was called to adjunct there for a summer class. I agreed to the last-minute assignment and reported to my classroom for the class. I called attendance and noticed his name. It is a common name and no one responded when I called the name. I moved on with class. Approximately 10-15 minutes into the class, he entered and was all smiles when he saw me. I have to admit that I was very happy to see him. After class, we talked and he did very well in the class. On the last day of class, he friended me on Facebook. We are connected, via Facebook, to this day. He appears to be doing well.
I have worked at community colleges most of my professional career. Community colleges are often the only choice some students have to pursue higher education. There were many times during my tenure in that role, that we, the Dean and I, suspended, or even expelled, students from the college. I have often thought about those students and wondered what happened to them. To be honest I have worried about some of them and how we have impacted their lives. I can only hope that they have moved on to another community college and kept pursuing education. As for my “warrior” student, I am proud of the decision we made to really listen and reconsider the “threat” he was, at the time.
The Value of Kindness
We all learn the value of kindness in different ways. I learned the value during one of my first teaching assignments. This was the first semester I was asked to adjunct at this particular college. I was assigned a full class of 32 students. It was a late evening course and, to be honest, I was shocked for it to be full. The class was composed mostly of students who registered late and this was their last option for a general education social science course. No matter, I had prepared for this new class. I was motivated and looking forward for this new challenge.
The first night was slightly confusing. There were students on the roster absent. The bigger problem was there were multiple students who were not enrolled, but trying to get late added. It was definitely not what I expected. However, we all got through it and agreed to meet for the next session.
The second session is when I met this young lady who was “one of those” students. She was the epitome of what frustrates instructors. She missed the first class and kept interrupting class to ask questions regarding the syllabus. This young lady was what we call a “true freshman” and fresh out of high school. Furthermore, she was clearly accustomed to being the center of attention. Her behavior did not improve over the following weeks. She also never submitted the homework. Again, everything that frustrates instructors.
I require a presentation in class. I am a firm believer that public speaking is a requisite skill and should not be feared. When I reminded the class that presentations would be the following week, she immediately began shouting over another student. She announced that she would not be presenting, because she didn’t have to in high school, and she wasn’t about to do it now. I am not a fan of correcting or embarrassing students in class. I told her that she needed to stop interrupting and that we would discuss it after class. She huffed and put her head down.
I moved on with class. She raised her hand. I called on her, with hesitation. She shouted at me again that she was not going to do a presentations and that I should expect a call from her father. I told her, again, not to waste class time and that we would discuss it after class. As I moved on with the class, she kept raising her hand and then decided to ignore for the rest of class. I actually started to feel bad when the other students were visibly and audibly approving of my efforts to ignore her.
Finally, class ended. This felt like it had been the longest 75 minutes of my life! I waited at my desk for her to come up. She did. She immediately began with her story of never being forced to do anything and that her father, a police officer, would be in to handle me.
I was filled with rage. I had tolerated weeks of her rude and disrespectful behavior. Now, this spoiled child was threatening me. I need to be honest, I thought about lashing out and making her cry. I knew I could. She was clearly so insecure, I could have destroyed her. I opted to take an advising approach to her attitude. I asked her what about her plans for the future.
She was still speaking with an attitude, but I could see her beginning deflate. She stated that she was going to be a police officer like her dad. I challenged her by using her own behavior. I asked if she would like other people interrupting her or shouting at her. I directly asked her how she would treat someone who shouted at her and threatened her. That was when she started to realize that she was out-of-line during class. I also asked her how she planned to give commands as an officer when she couldn’t bring herself to speak in a safe space. She finally calmed down. We proceeded to discuss her academic options. After about 30 minutes she left. I was confident that we had a breakthrough.
She continued to come to class. Her behavior was notably different. So much so, that other students wanted to know what I said to her. Unfortunately, she still didn’t do the work. She haphazardly submitted some homework. She still refused to present and lost 50 points off her grade. Nonetheless, she demonstrated appreciation of the class. She participated the rest of the term. Class was quite a pleasant experience after that night.
On the last night of class, she waited to be the last one to finish the exam. She came up and thanked me for the talk I gave her. We discussed her future plans, again. We planned out her classes for the next term. I never heard from her after the class ended. It’s been so long, she just might be a police officer by now.
I felt pretty proud of how I handled the situation. I look back and think about how I could have destroyed her emotionally and probably ruined her academic plan. It is very easy to focus on the bad student habits and allow that to overwhelm the decision-making process. As annoyed as I was by her in the beginning, I realized she was just a lost girl who needed help making her way. I am grateful for my advising background that reminds me that we were all lost students once. We all needed a helping hand. I want to be that resource for students. Sometimes I am an administrator. Sometimes I’m an instructor. I am always an advocate!
Learning to Trust Myself
In all my years of serving at community colleges, sometimes I think I have learned more from my students, than they have learned from me. Everyday has challenges, but I am so blessed beyond measure. The story of this young man has impacted me deeply and I am blessed to have him in my life to this day, so many years later. Thanks to this young man, I learned to trust my instincts. I also learned to be open to the experiences of my students and to listen deeply to their needs.
It all started during a relatively normal situation. The college offers a college success course, as most community colleges do. I was asked by the instructor to come into class do a presentation about all the services the college offered. While I was talking, I noticed one student in particular. He seemed upset and even angry. I began to focus on him a bit more during my presentation. As I ended my speech, I gave out a business card to each student and encouraged everyone to see me.
As I walked out of the classroom, something haunted me. This student’s eyes stayed with me. I felt like I needed to speak with him. I went towards my office and decided to speak with a colleague about what I experienced. My colleague encouraged me to reach out to the instructor. I went to my office resolute in going back to the classroom at the end of the period.
I went about my business and realized it was time to go back to the classroom. As I stood up from my desk, my assistant walked into my office and stated that I had a student who was insistent on speaking with me at that moment. I walked out with her and saw it was the student I was concerned about wanting to see me. I was so relieved to see him.
I walked him into my office and closed the door. He opened up about all the issues hindering his academic progress. He specifically discussed some concerns he had regarding some personnel at the college. I listened intently and took copious notes to be able to relay the personnel matters to the appropriate parties at the college. I was moved by all that he shared with me in that first meeting. I felt trusted and knew in my soul that I was in the right place, at the right time to able to help him heal.
Over the years, we bonded and he would visit every few weeks while he was in school. He is incredibly intelligent, but needed someone to help him clear his mind to move forward. In time, he introduced me to his girlfriend and I helped her with her classes, as well. I was in the reception area the day his world crumbled. He entered and I saw the look on his face. I knew by the look on his face that something horrible had happened. She had ended their relationship and he was devastated. However, somehow, through his sadness, he was able to use the loss as motivation to do really well in school. I was so proud of him.
Eventually, I was offered a promotion at another college. I tried calling him before I left the college, but to no avail. I was sitting in my new office at my new college and my cell phone rang. It was my former assistant telling me that he was looking for me and asked my permission to give him my personal cell number. I agreed, something I don’t normally do. He didn’t call.
Several weeks later, I was in my office and there was knock at the door. He drove to my new college to give me an update on his life. He came with a purpose that day. He wanted me to attend his graduation. I was so honored. I knew how limited those tickets were and he wanted me to see him walk across the stage.
To this day, we are still connected. We talk, not as much as before, but we share a commitment to our faiths. He calls/texts me for Christmas and I call/text him for Ramadan. We know how important our religious beliefs are to each other and strive to learn and honor them.
All those years ago, he helped me just as much as I helped him. He gave me the confidence to trust my instincts and reach out to students when I thought I needed to. I never doubted my intuition again. My commitment to students has never faltered. I am truly privileged to have him, and so many other students, in my life.
Why I Love Working in Higher Ed
This is my first attempt at publicly sharing my experiences. I am a storyteller at heart and I love to talk about all the delightful adventures I witness everyday. The purpose of this blog is to begin to share all the wonderful interactions I have had throughout my many years of service. I am honored to be a partner with my students and I want to share these stories.
It is really easy for us to talk about everything that is frustrating about higher education. There are several, almost daily, incidents that are challenging, but that is not my focus. What frustrates me is not what makes me go back to work. As idealistic as it sounds, the real reason I do what I do is to be an asset to my students. My purpose is to facilitate their learning and assist them in achieving their goals.
I am not perfect and I was, most definitely, not always a great student when I was in school. My experiences give me a unique perspective when working with my students. I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect excellence. I do my best to practice patience because I know what is it like to feel lost in college. My students are challenged to perform to the best of their ability. I interact with students as an administrator and as an educator. Within both of my roles, I expect students to be honest and to realize their potential.
Since 1995 I have had the pleasure of working in higher education. I started off working with student athletes and now serve as a Dean of Students. In the time in between, I have worked in the areas of: multicultural student recruitment; advising; student activities; student support services; student judicial issues; academic and financial aid appeals; and student feedback/complaint processes. I am so fortunate to have met so many incredibly talented people. The experiences we shared within my employment have challenged me, encouraged me, but most of all, made me the compassionate leader I am today.
This was a short introduction into why I do what I do. Future blogs, which I plan on being weekly, will be actual experiences I have had with students. I will be sharing the best stories from the past 20+ years. The stories will not be in chronological order. The stories will be as I remember them. It has been truly gratifying to be able to live through these experiences with my students. I hope you enjoy my stories as much I enjoy telling them.
DrYesiAvalos 